The great equalizer of adulthood is that at some point, we all fear we’re actually very bad at making friends.
No, this isn’t because you’re unlikable or have no real social skills. Making friends in adulthood has always been tricky, though admittedly lockdown and the continued pandemic don’t exactly facilitate the most robust social life. The past two years have also had many of us evaluating what we want out of our friendships, and even, in some cases, deciding to end them.
If you’ve caught yourself feeling a little lonelier than usual lately, you’re not alone. The good news is humans are social creatures, so even if you consider yourself the shiest of capital-I Introverts, you can still make friends. And because it’s the 21st century, one of the best ways to find new online and offline pals is with the help of apps.
Are there even apps just for finding friends?
Yes, because there truly is an app for everything. We’re not just talking social media sites like Twitter and Instagram. Though they can be great for keeping up with people, Twitter can get toxic quick and Instagram works best when you already have an existing pool of friends to interact with. That’s why we believe in the power of the friendship app, like Bumble BFF, Slowly, and even Discord.
If you’re feeling a little skeptical, we get it — dating app culture can already be its own special kind of hell, do we really want to add platonic relationships into the mix? But the simple fact is that the internet allows you to widen your pool of potential pals. Plus, we’ve chosen a careful selection of apps that are designed to prioritize quality over quantity, so you won’t find yourself struggling to turn a string of messages with a stranger online into an actual friendship.
Tips for making friends online
Unsurprisingly, after two years after getting the bulk of our human connection through screens, many of us feel like we’re having to relearn how to interact with others. Young people in particular are reported to be experiencing increased loneliness and social anxiety, but with pretty much all the normal organizing structures of life either drastically changed or gone altogether, everyone is going through some version of refiguring how to relate to other human beings.
So understandably, putting yourself out there to find new friends can feel a bit intimidating. While each of these apps have some built-in features to help you make those connections, we’ve come up with some tips to ease you back into the social scene.
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Ask questions: Getting to know someone actually means you take the time to get to know someone. Instead of just waiting for your turn to talk, pay attention to what the other person is saying, and ask questions. People can tell when you’re putting in the effort, and if they’re willing to return your energy, that could be the beginning of a bright friendship future.
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Be aware of your social battery: When you’re all of a sudden exposed to a bunch of people who also want to make friends, it can be tempting to reach out to every person that looks like they might have even one single thing in common with you. However, if you actually want to hold a conversation, sending out 17 DMs at once might not be the move. Yes, this is your chance to meet people, but be aware of how much of your time you’re willing to dedicate.
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Make plans consistently: Psychologist Marisa G. Franco told WBUR that having regular hangouts, like a rotating potluck with a group, helps build friendships. Does that mean you have to set up a weekly dinner date with every Bumble BFF match you make? No. But for the people who you really click with, building in the time in both your schedules where you’ll see each other regularly can help a burgeoning friendship grow even stronger.
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Understand that not every connection will work out: Making friends and dating aren’t all that different. You may have realized that pre-adulthood is full of friendships of circumstance, which can make you feel that every adulthood friendship that doesn’t work out is because your social skills are lacking. Likely, the case is that you and that person weren’t meant to be best buds, and that’s okay. Finding your people takes time, and inevitably the search involves some matches that don’t pan out.
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Don’t forget that you’re a cool person: Even if you feel out of practice in the friendship department, it’s important to remind yourself that you’re someone that’s worth getting to know. Coming into a new relationship with confidence allows you to put yourself out there, understand it’s okay when things don’t work out, and make connections as the most genuine version of yourself.
Most of all remember that as frustrating and cliché as it may be, good things (friendships included) tend to take time. To help along your journey, here are five of the best apps for finding and making friends.
