When you have a crush — maybe one you swiped right on Tinder or found on your Instagram explore page — it can feel exhilarating. But as reality sinks in, so can a smashing, bone-cracking feeling that the word “crush” itself evokes.
Now you’re here, perhaps on the same device where you tried to woo your now-former crush…or at least, ogled photos of them. And while it’s not a full-on end of a relationship (though Mashable also has a guide to getting over a breakup), getting over a crush can still feel crushing. Mashable reached out to relationship experts on how to successfully delete your crush from your mind, as you (hopefully) deleted their contact.
Stop romanticizing your crush
“Someone once said ‘a crush is just a lack of information,’ and that’s the mantra I pass on to clients,” said life coach and sexologist Elle Chase. “A crush can feel powerful because it’s all potential, and little reality. It’s built on curiosity and projection, not compatibility and facts.”
Once you learn more about this person, such as their values, habits, and how they present themselves in relationships and navigate the world when no one’s watching, the crush may crumble right then, Chase continued.
But if it doesn’t, remember the moments you felt confused, anxious, or unsure. It’s easy to forget those and cling to the few great memories you made with this person, said dating expert and host of the dating and relationship podcast Seeing Other People, Ilana Dunn. She suggests writing down the facts, either with pen to paper or in your Notes app. Ask yourself:
-
How often did they actually show up?
-
How consistent were they?
-
Did you feel calm, or did you constantly check your phone, waiting for reassurance?
“Seeing it in black and white helps break the spell,” Dunn told Mashable. “Plus, having this list is great to reference back in moments when you start spiraling.”
Block, unfollow, or mute
There’s no shame in using these social media tools to get this person off your mind.
Mashable Trend Report
“Every time you check their Instagram or reread an old text thread, your brain treats it like fresh contact. That’s why it still feels so hard to move on even if you’re ‘not talking,'” Dunn said. “Mute, archive, block, or hide whatever you need to so your nervous system can finally take a breath.”
And don’t create burner accounts to circumvent the action you took and look at their posts anyway. It’ll only drag on your infatuation with them.
Shift your attention
We’re in the attention economy, after all, and everything online is competing for our focus. So why give yours to an unrequited love?
“Shifting attention to something that brings you pleasure can help you move past it,” psychologist and sex and intimacy coach Dr. Lori Beth Bisbey suggested.
“If they were your default shower thought or commuting distraction, you need a new fixation,” Dunn said. Start a new hobby, like running or puzzles. Get into a new TV show (Mashable has a few suggestions) or podcast.
Distract yourself in moderation, but by all means, do so if you need to.
Grieve if you need to
Heartache sucks, even if it’s over something that was short-lived. That might actually make it worse, because you didn’t have enough time to see a relationship run its course. The “what ifs” can stick. Let them linger there and don’t rush to move on.
“A lot of heartbreak comes from losing what could have been, not what actually was,” Dunn explained. “It’s okay to be sad about that version of the story, but once you process it, ask yourself honestly: do I actually want someone who made me question if they cared? Or do I want someone who makes me feel chosen without guessing?”
Don’t be afraid to lean on your friends, too. Dunn said they can be the reality check you can’t give yourself. They remember the anxious voice notes and screenshots.
Just like getting over someone you never dated, getting over your crush will take time, but it is possible — even at a time when the internet apparently “lives forever.” Use tech to your advantage and move to a different corner of social media, one that doesn’t fill you with that “crushing” feeling.
