My first sex toy ever was a cheap and super sketch dual-ended jelly dildo from Amazon (which, disturbingly, is still sold there today). To make matters worse, I had it shipped to my college mailroom, and it arrived in a package that literally looked like a shrink-wrapped sausage. I was mortified, but back then, I didn’t know the difference between a “good deal” and a health hazard.
Since then, I’ve come a long way (pun intended). Because I have endometriosis, my relationship with pleasure — particularly penetration — is complicated, to say the least. Testing sex toys isn’t just a fun job perk (though it definitely is); it’s something I pushed my career into so that I could fix my sex life and find products that worked for my body. I have zero tolerance for anything that feels cheap or uncomfortable — which is a pretty good standard to have, anyway. While this list does include products for pelvic pain, like the Ohnut, there are plenty of heavy hitters here for everyone and every body type.
I’m also in the process of testing and reviewing more toys for inclusion in this guide. In particular, I’m taking a closer look at the legendary Hitachi Magic Wand vibrator and the all-gender Njoy Pure Wand stainless-steel dildo, both of which have a sterling reputation.
What to look for when buying sex toys
Walking into a sex shop (or browsing the web) can feel overwhelming, especially if you’re a first timer. There are just so many options to choose from, and if you’re not sure what you’re looking for, it can get confusing (and expensive!) fast.
After testing hundreds of products and consulting with the experts, I’ve boiled it down to a few non-negotiables.
Material matters (do the sniff test).
If there’s one rule you follow, let it be this: No mystery rubber or jelly materials. If the specific materials aren’t listed or you’re actually in the store and it smells like a chemical fire or a new car tire, put it down.
“Look for medical-grade silicone, stainless steel, or glass,” Emily Lambert Robins, LCSW, and AASECT-certified sex therapist, tells Mashable. These materials are generally non-porous and easy to clean. Robins also suggests avoiding materials such as PVC, jelly rubber, and anything containing phthalates.
Start simple.
It’s tempting to buy the most advanced or aesthetic toy with multiple vibration modes and app connectivity, but more features don’t always mean more pleasure. Honestly, I’m not a fan of the toys with all the bells and whistles because if I press the wrong button or have to fumble with an app, I will lose interest fast!
“Start simple, stay curious, and stay true to yourself,” advises Sarah Kelleher, LCSW, and sex and relationship therapist. “Ask yourself: What kind of stimulation am I most drawn to? Internal? External? Gentle? Intense? That kind of self-awareness is more helpful than any recommended list,” she adds. “Your first toy doesn’t need to be the most powerful or high-tech — it needs to feel approachable, whatever that means to you.”
Buy toys that work with your body, not against it.
It’s easy to get caught up in marketing hype or friendly recommendations (or even things you see in porn), but one of the most important things to remember is that you’re buying this toy for your body. Therefore, it should work with your body, not against it. (This is something I learned the hard way.)
“The biggest mistake to avoid is buying based on popularity alone or buying based on what you want or wish your body to feel/do/or like instead of based on what it does or what you like currently,” says Kelleher. “That’s not to say don’t be curious and be open to expanding your horizons, but knowing and acknowledging your body and what feels good or not needs to be accounted for when purchasing a toy.”
According to board-certified sex therapist and sexuality educator at Hily: Dating app, Mindy DeSeta, PhD, this includes “comfortable grips, intuitive controls, appropriate sizing, and shapes that complement natural anatomy.”
Final note: Don’t forget the lube.
Finding the right lube can make all the difference, especially when you’re experimenting with penetration, vaginally or anally. But not all lubes are compatible with sex toys. Here’s a quick guide to help you choose the best lube:
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Water-based lubes are the gold standard — they’re compatible with sex toys and condoms, and they’re super easy to clean up.
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Silicone-based lubes aren’t compatible with silicone toys, but you can use them with latex condoms.
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Oil-based lubes are long-lasting, but they’re not compatible with latex products (i.e., condoms) and can stain fabrics.
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Flavored lubes are great for oral sex, but you really shouldn’t use these for vaginal or anal penetration, even if they’re water-based.
