There are a few unassailable rules of the internet. There’s Godwin’s law, stating that the longer an online argument goes on, the greater the probability someone gets compared to Hitler. Or there’s the simple fact that we, as an online community, are incapable of discussing beans without it turning into a truly stupid meme.
Or there’s the simple fact that people love, love — love — roasting terrible-looking food. I still think about Texas Sen. Jon Cornyn’s godawful brisket. Martha Stewart herself used to post widely mocked grotesqueries unfit for even Twitter’s hellish landscape. Or one of the greats: this wildly unseasoned, thoroughly hated-on turkey prepared by newsman Tom Rodgers.
So long as Twitter has been a real Thing, there has been a long-held tradition of people’s Thanksgiving plates get absolutely roasted. (To be clear, we’re talking mocked, not like…oven roasted.) After all, it’s the biggest day for food in America. Adds up.
All Thanksgiving, I noticed both people getting roasted and folks posting plates with a caveat like “ready to be roasted” or “please don’t flame this.”
Here’s Mero, of Showtime’s late-night show Desus & Mero, warning folks to not even bother posting a plate pic. It’s the big day and everyone, Black Twitter especially, was ready to pounce.
People were bold enough to respond to Mero, just daring people to go for it.
A few people did post plates, seeming not knowing what they were getting into. Here’s a perfectly fine looking plate of food right? LMAO, wrong you ignorant fool. It got flamed.
Even Jaboukie Young-White, a hilarious and very online comedian, caught some flak for a plate with a hell of a lot of eggs and overflowing gravy.
And the replies here, well, the replies are freaking vicious.
Other people seemed to anticipate a plate roasting in wait and asked for pre-emptive mercy or just leaned into the hate.
That’s the thing with Thanksgiving online. We kind of all know what to expect at this point. I must’ve seen a dozen variations on a tweet warning folks to be mindful of what they post, lest they stumble into their cherished grandma’s green beans getting sent straight to hell.
I truly feel sorry for anyone who happily posted Thanksgiving food, unknowingly waltzing into insults. But at this point it’s hard to imagine anyone not knowing. It’s like how everyone knows that jabronis on April 30 will post the Justin Timberlake “It’s gonna be May” meme. It’s an unwritten rule that if you post food on Thanksgiving, Black Twitter might correct your notions about a good plate.
As writer Jenée Desmond Harris pointed out, it might not even be your fault. Lots of Thanksgiving food is brown or slathered in gravy and might not look as good in photos as it tastes in real life.
As for me, I took a cowardly way out this holiday. I did prepare the food for my little family’s Thanksgiving. But the only picture I posted on Twitter was an aerial shot of the table.
Let me explain. One of my favorite sayings is, “Play stupid games, win stupid prizes.” And I know that trying to get a compliment on your Thanksgiving plate online is a truly dumb game to play.
