Watching the 2022 Oscars on Sunday night was…an experience.
Here to recap all the biggest moments is Amber Ruffin, who ran a segment on Late Night with Seth Meyers to quickly bounce through highlights like Beyoncé’s performance of “Be Alive” from King Richard, Megan Thee Stallion’s “We Don’t Talk About Bruno” remix, and CODA‘s Troy Kotsur’s historic win.
Then, inevitably, Ruffin descended into the sheer shock of That Moment, and it may be one of the greatest monologues of our time. Here it is, in all its glory:
“Here’s a sentence we will say for the rest of our lives: Will Smith slapped Chris Rock. And life as we know it changed forever. I had hoped that it was a bit but that hope quickly turned to dust. A dark sadness filled my home. A darkness I couldn’t escape. Had the Oscars lost its magic?” she began.
“My sister Lacey called me and we screamed. We screamed a long loud scream of excitement? Terror? I don’t know. But we screamed it with all of America. We tried to stay engaged but there was no more show after that. There was no more anything. The once fluffy couch I was sitting on suddenly felt hard and unwelcoming. My heated blanket went cool. The sweet tea I was enjoying lost all its flavour. The Oscars took everything I thought I knew and flushed it down the toilet. In this new world, could I survive? I now know why they don’t have a category for best horror movie because the best horror movie is the Oscars.
“Lacey called back, this time with FaceTime. I needed to see her screaming face to know I wasn’t dreaming! And then it happened. The announcer said, ‘And the Oscar for Best Actor goes to…’ and all of America collectively held their breath, bit their cuticles, and then Will Smith won for Best Actor. His acceptance speech lasted for five minutes and 25 seconds and I did not breathe for five minutes and 25 seconds! The Earth cracked open and I slipped through.
“I heard echoes of ‘I’m sorry’ but never to Chris Rock. I’m not sure what he said because again, I’m in the centre of the Earth at this point. It comes to an end and I scroll Twitter and I read jokes and thinkpieces and opinions about it. And while I felt like I had seen something horrible and private, it made me feel great shame, I found out everyone in America felt the same way I did.
“And that my friends is the magic of the Oscars.”
