I can count on one hand the number of times I’ve been in love. Those occasions have brought great joy, and even greater heartbreak. But the one form of love that’s been a constant in my life is platonic love. This Valentine’s Day I’ll be celebrating the constancy of that particular love. It might sound sad to some people, but I couldn’t be happier about it.
I won’t be lamenting my lack of a boyfriend this Valentine’s Day, I’ll be celebrating the women in my life who’ve laughed with me (and at me); who’ve listened to my rants without judgement; and who’ve given me words of support and encouragement when things were really shit. Female friendship has been more meaningful than all of my toe-dips in romantic love.
One moment in particular stands out. Shortly before Valentine’s Day three years ago, I found out that a boy I’d recently been involved with — and for whom I still had feelings — not only had a new girlfriend; they were also expecting a child. I felt numb when I heard the news and immediately texted my friend Michelle to tell her what I’d heard. She told me to meet her at the gym first thing the following morning so we could talk.
Between sobs as I stomped on the treadmill, she listened to me and assured me that this was a perfectly acceptable response. Over the next week, she made sure I ate lunch, she smiled at me from across the desk as I blinked back tears while attempting to work and — when Valentine’s Day rolled around — she quietly left a card and present on my desk. Without Michelle, I don’t think I would have bounced back so quickly and thanks to her pep talks, I had the courage to meet up with that ex and get the rest of my belongings back. And, armed with my retrieved possessions, I marched the hell away from that guy who’d never really been that nice to me anyway.
Another friend who I owe a debt of gratitude this Valentine’s Day is Elisha. Since becoming friends just over a year ago, she and I have laughed until our cheekbones hurt, but we’ve also been there for each other during the sadder times. Together we’ve shared in the loss of family members, friends, lovers. We have seasoned the streets of multiple cities with our tears.
It’s not always easy to find someone who’ll listen to you drone on for hours on end about something that’s really bugging you. But, when something has deeply upset you, it’s hard to change the record, even if you’re acutely aware that you’re stuck on repeat. I’ll never forget the moment I apologised to Elisha for talking about the same issue again and again. Sitting across the table from me, Elisha started to cry and said: “Rachel, if you can’t talk to me about this stuff, then who can you talk to? Please don’t be sorry.” For that, I’ll always be hugely grateful.
Girlfriends aren’t just there for the challenging times though. They’re there to empower us, to make us laugh, and to remind us of the good in the world. I’m grateful to my female friends overseas — Shannon, Vicky and Haley — who, despite the distance, are just as close to me as my UK-based friends. At the drop of a hat, they are there on FaceTime, Skype and iMessage to talk about the exciting things that we’ve seen and done. And, every once in a while, one of us crosses the Atlantic Ocean to embark on another adventure together. These are the moments that enrich my existence.
This Valentine’s Day I’ll be sharing a romantic dinner for two with someone very special indeed: Lizzie, my dear friend and housemate who I’ve known for 10 years. She and I spend night after night filling our home with laughter, even after the toughest of days and I’ll be toasting to that decade of laughter on Feb. 14.
My female friends empower me through the support they give me and vice versa. They’ve not only made tough times more bearable, they’ve also taught me things about myself, about relationships and about life, in general. That’s why I’m putting mates before dates this Valentine’s Day.
