Compared to previous games in the series, Grand Theft Auto 6 looks like it’ll only be a few steps removed from reality when it launches this month. Actions have consequences, working on a relationship requires more than just hitting a few button prompts, and bulking up means that you’ll have to visit an in-game gym regularly. Will all of that add up to an experience that can give a little dude in green a run for his money as the best-reviewed game of the year? Who knows, but what I do know is that Rockstar Games better have some hygiene options in the game, because Jason’s gym etiquette is disgusting.
Maybe I’m reading too much into this, but amongst the dozens of new GTA 6 screenshots released today, there’s this one of Jason pumping iron:
While I keep telling myself that comparison is the thief of joy and that I shouldn’t compare the few strands of muscle fiber I have next to a digital character who looks like he curls Jack Reacher actors for a morning routine, I also can’t help but find myself repulsed by Jason’s lack of hygiene.
I’m also told that Miami–the city that GTA 6’s location of Vice City is inspired by–is hot as hell, but that’s still no excuse to not be wearing any gym clothing up top. Hell, even if it’s one of those gym tank tops with spaghetti straps, that’s still better than nothing, because I cannot imagine how much disinfectant you’d need to clean up that rack when Jason is done with it.
There’s no sign of a sweat towel either, so you just know there’s going to be a rank puddle of perspiration waiting for the next unlucky person who uses it. Revolting. Maybe it’s his home gym, but that’s still no excuse to work out in this state. Sure, maybe he’s the only person who uses that facility, but I bet you the nearby NPCs are going to smell it from across the block.
Am I reading too much into this? Absolutely. But if Rockstar can spend several years agonizing over the most minute details for its new Grand Theft Auto experience, then as someone who is potentially thinking of dropping $80 on it, I’m allowed to obsess over seeing a jacked-up protagonist turn the rack into a breeding ground of bacterial infections on par with a Resident Evil campaign. There are all kinds of escapism that I’m expecting from GTA 6, but poor gym hygiene certainly isn’t one of them.
I was fine with weaponized dog poop, but bareback bench presses are where I draw the line.
